Great news about the other clinic!

I had "only" DDNOS, not DID. And I could consciously control and keep parts of me turned "off". But then -- I didn't have a clue about what was going on socially, didn't feel it when people were disrespectful to me, didn't understand where the landmines were in social relationships, etc. So "getting in touch" with my feelings, as therapists told me to do, seemed reasonable.

But then, when I was in an "activated" state and allowed it "on" in therapy, because it was therapy after all, several therapists, including one who had a Ph.D. and a 2-year postdoc training in trauma and dissociation, didn't get it in my case either. I could keep the state turned "off" but couldn't alway control my behavior when I allowed it "on". Finally, I had enough of their uninformed opinions. I'm also, now, much more integrated and so I do have better control and coordination among the states. But what I can do now I definitely couldn't before.

So, I understand. I've read enough about DID and the differences between that and DDNOS that yes, I certainly understand that you can't control it!!

Wishing you the best of luck!!