Yeah, my T told me to not contact her directly. I've had no communication, direct and indirect, with her for 2 years. I don't know why I torture myself with the idea that if I were to contact her, I could get closure.

One thing I have grown from is that I no longer miss ex-T as my T. To clarify, I'm happy with current T and wouldn't go back to ex-T. I couldn't. I'd never trust her again. And current T is much better of a T.