This sounds like a very stressful time for you. It’s hard when people do not want to seek help when you think they have a problem.

I hesitate to suggest this, as it could potentially exacerbate things, but could you record these episodes somehow to show him later on to try to get him to realise what you are worried about? My caution arises from the fact that, if this is some kind of psychosis, drug-induced or otherwise (which aren’t always easily linked to the drug use in question because of the complicated effects that drugs have on the brain; you also may not be aware of the full extent of his drug use), this could trigger paranoia at being recorded, which he might take out on you. Also, if he were to be delusional, he could potentially explain away the footage somehow, as doctored to frame him or whatever. But it could also potentially get him to see what he is like in those moments. You’d have to weigh up the pros and cons of doing this as you’d know him best and how he is likely to respond.

Another reason that I think recording him might be beneficial, or at least having another person to witness them, is that it would better explain things to professionals. Even with confidentiality rules, you are allowed to talk to his GP about this behaviour, without his knowledge/consent if need be. The GP cannot comment on what you say with things that your husband has told them (as that would break confidentiality), and they might be resistant to giving you the appointment in the first place, but they have to listen to your concerns and put them in his medical records. They also have to keep what you say confidential from him, even redacting it if he ever requests access to those notes, if you ask them to do that.

I also wanted to talk about boundaries with you. Whilst it is understandable for you to want to help him, you need to protect yourself and your son first. If you are finding it scary to witness, your son probably is even more so. It might be worth considering applying boundaries like he cannot use drugs around either of you. Or, if it comes to it, even leave him until he gets treatment for whatever is going on. Perhaps if he realises how serious you are in your concerns, he might be willing to see a Dr for his family’s sake. I know that it’s a difficult decision to make though, both ethically in general, and because you love him. But you cannot stand by if his behaviours are causing harm to your family, whatever the reason for them may be.

I also suggest checking in with your pdoc/T, if you have them, to get support for your anxiety and PTSD whilst you are dealing with this.

I wish you and your family all the best

*Willow*