hi ohmydaisy. I am sorry for the loss of your brother. That must be rough for you to go through.

When I want to forgive myself I want to let go of feeling responsible. I want to admit where I was wrong at earlier points in life and should have done things differently. I want to let go of my expectations of what I wished they had done for me.

I also want to reinvent who I am. When someone dies, part of us dies with them. It is like the family member is not on the outside only, but we create an embodiment of them in the inside. That one dies too. That part of us represented there needs to be reinvented.

So there is a lot to let go. If that is what forgiveness means to you, then maybe that is a direction to head in.

We also need to release our loved one and let them go. That is for me is also what forgiveness is. We no longer hold onto them, the expectations of what they can do for us, and any responsibility we ever harbored for them or their life. If you can do that that is a good start.