perhaps, Daisy, it's a matter of trying to do too many things at a time~
meditation is the practice of noticing.... what you are feeling, what thoughts you are generating, what keeps arising... and learning to just allow those things to be OK... isn't that really what forgiveness is ? just allowing things to be OK ? you are grieving, that's OK.... you are having difficulty doing things other people suggest,, that's OK..... you don't understand words that have no context for you,,,, that's OK~!

there are some awesome sound tracks, called Binaural Beats, that can help the brain (yes, the physical organ) to calm down and improve focus... that might help you. i would recommend you start with the Theta and Delta inducing sound tracks, as those are the ones that go deep and are calming. here is a link, in case you want to try them (be sure to use stereo earphones, as the different subliminal beat in each ear is the key to it's success.)

may you have peace of mind, and the causes of peace of mind~