Hi there. Yes I have been down this path too. Tbh I don't know if they are "really real" or not. I know they are there. I know they are repeatedly there. I know that without them there isn't really much of a me at all. What I mean is... the path I can live without them is exceptionally narrow. It means I can basically go to work, go to the supermarket, and go home. Anything more than that is beyond my coping abilities (aka triggers "them").
But at the same time they don't feel very real. Their "stuff" doesn't feel real.
So I don't know. I try to accept whatever is. In therapy I let it be. I don't know what else to do. I want to live a fuller life. I want to be able to experience life and accept life and engage in life. I know that denying them doesn't allow me that so.... what else can I do?