I have the exact same problem except I don't really know if I want to look at him I just can't. I dissociate quite frequently and I know that when I'm dissociative I cannot look at him at all I try to look at him as much as possible but that is only maybe once or twice a session.

I totally get the feeling that I like when I'm able to look at him when he's not looking at me I don't want to get caught looking at him. It does feel like I'm doing something wrong or bad or forbidden.

I have not discussed it with my therapist at all but you may try bringing it up in an actual session rather sending an email on it if it continues to bother you. For me personally I'm just too embarrassed to bring it up in any fashion maybe someday.