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Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
It's tough because he seems to be adjusting to the attachment stuff you want to work on, but it seems like you're leading rather than following. I would find that really stressful. My T works from a relationship/development framework to begin with, so she could not possibly be more comfortable with all these intense, uncomfortable attachment things that come up for me. But I would feel really rejected if I had to constantly explain them to her and get her used to them. The whole point is that I'm learning that close relationships can be good and healing and that my feelings (no matter how intense and "bad") are okay. Maybe this T can help you get there; I just don't know. It seems like his cluelessness kind of throws you into a panic spiral sometimes, though, and that seems really unpleasant.
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Thanks, EM. You make some really good observations here. I hadn't really thought of it in terms of my leading and his following, but that makes total sense. Because it's like each thing I say or do or request related to attachment...it's like I'm waiting for his approval. Hm...that connects to some patterns in my life... But anyway, for this example, it's like, "Could I possibly have a stone?" And first it's the seeing if he agrees to give me one. He said was OK and gave me one. Then it's finding out if it's OK to hold onto it longer than for the event I wanted it for. Yes, it is. Now I'm talking about how I get comfort from it--is that OK?
I guess because he doesn't have the experience with it, it's like he hasn't really thought some of the stuff through. Did he think he'd give me the stone, I'd take it with me to event, just have it in my purse but not actually touch it, then next session hand it back to him? (OK, some people may have done that.) Did he think when I did hold onto it longer that I just it sitting on a shelf or something? Did it not occur to him that I might want to hold it, that I might get comfort from it? Because if I'm not getting anything from it...what's the point?
Where if he'd had, say, 10 previous clients who'd had transitional objects, this probably would just be totally normal to him, he'd expect me to hold it and get comfort from it. Where maybe that might have seemed weird to him with the first client or two, after a bit, would just be expected. I guess I can think that I'm helping his future clients as a sort of attachment trailblazer?
Also, "panic spiral" is a good phrase and an accurate one for me!