Thank you for the reality check everyone. I guess I will have to takw my head out of the sand soon. This is my second or third go ariund with denial. This time with the help of a LOT of mindfulness practice I have succeeded with a few days of peace and it has been so nice and hopeful.

All of my close friends and therapists tell me it is not made up. I want it to be so bad. I never lie but I would much rather admit I lied and made it all up over dealing with reality. I guess I just needed to hear it from those that have lived it. In the meantime I am going to delay reality for a little while longer.