what if our (my) desire to always mess with our meds comes not from the meds and there side effects ... but ... from the fact they are a symbol of giving in or giving up on our own destiny ... to give control of our life to these baubles ... these magic pills ... a foreshadowing of that day a nursing home or hospital will be our place of finally losing all control over our lives ... maybe that is what we are fighting ... not the pdoc ... not the pills per say ... but the fear of giving up control of our lifes ...

in a same vein could mania be our (brain) rebelling ... against itself ... it's place in the pecking order in our society ... secret desires or wishes never fullfilled ... a way to say look at me ... I'm ok ... better than ok .. I am soring ...

Just the thoughts of a tired old Tigger ... take it with a grain of salt ...