Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
Yes. I got out about a year and a half ago.
I had been looking for the current that ran underneath all of my "issues" -- feeling bad, split, "possessed", depressed whatever have you.
And maybe with all my experiences with therapy, some really horrible, I have found much of that undercurrent -- some "victim" mentality for sure in there, lots of other stuff, too, but what I'm left with is a life I still don't know how to live well, and not much time left.
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Exactly. Brilliant. Yes. Not due, in my case, to therapy — much bigger fish &etc., — the remnant of malfunctions and I’m stuck between stupid and sick, again. I once had ‘hope’ (most insidious!) a long, long time back, an active participant in maintaining a status quo, but I lost it (hope, participation) when I realized that my larger problems were
organic and that it was this (be here now!) or a bit of brain slice-n-dice and I wasn’t up for that.
Dr. A---- -------- — a jewel — told me that I might not find solace in the daily output of my hypergraphia if I insisted on having written well. I find that I cannot, after all, write, or live, well: I’m too fragile for that and time is much, much too fleeting.
So, I’m like you; no one to save me, no one to love me, unable to live well as my time here grows shorter. Maybe it’s an either/or conundrum? I’m too tired to think it through.
By the force of will I’ve avoided victimhood, preferring to be thought mad rather than mean. And so I have been. Has it mattered? I don’t know.
Oh, the things that I don’t know!
***redefine happiness***