I think you're onto something there, Tigger. I have trouble sticking to my meds sometimes because it does feel like a loss of control. Twice a day, every damn day, I am reminded of my disease. Taking the pills is non-negotiable but every so often I've got to mess with them, leaving out one or two so I don't get so freaking tired and fuzzy-headed. I miss having emotions and sometimes I've just got to cut loose. I'd like to think I'm cured, but I imagine every bipolar feels the same way.