I grew up with several siblings. Two have passed on. The rest of us used to be very close. Yet, over time, different things in life have torn us apart. The biggest thing that tore us apart was drinking and its effects, or so I'd thought.

While many would spend a lifetime drinking heavily, hurting one another in the process, others of us abstained. As time went on the gap between us all grew larger and larger. It became impossible to expect any of my siblings to tolerate one another enough to share space for a family event.

I was baffled by this. Yet, in time, after talking with each sibling, realized they were each/all deeply hurt and retreating to their own space.

Many have been hurt by the things done or said while heavily drinking. Yet, there seemed to be an even deeper hurt, a hurt which has no resolution.

I've been the one to get therapy. I've been the one to try psych meds. I never understood all of the drinking, the "reactivity," the fighting.

I have been gaining insight about this for awhile now. Today let me know I am on the right track with these insights.

I happened to see my brother. He was drinking rather heavily, which has been the case for years and years now. He's often VERY reactive and abrupt, even ugly. Today, he was tender-hearted! Today, the stars aligned just right so he could share his burdens with me while he'd stayed reasonable and vulnerable.

What's going on for him? It's very similar to what's going on for me. As he'd described his pain and his symptoms -- how he has flashbacks and how he is haunted 24/7-- I'd realized he, too, has been suffering from C-PTSD. He hasn't known what to call it and has thought he suffers alone. He's so not alone! He has not been able to share with someone who understands, until today! I understand! We recall much of the same history.

We've set a date to get together again, to share more... soon!

On my way home, I was thinking of my sisters and their inner pain, their outward behaviors, their "reactivity" and their need to "numb" themselves with alcohol. I'll bet much the same is going on for each of them.

So, we are not so far apart after all. We share a lot of the same painful history and we are each/all suffering, trying to get through the pain as best we can.

These realizations only gave me deeper compassion for my siblings and greater hope that the family unit can experience further healing.

I am grateful and hopeful!


WC