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So the sadness never leaves. That's something I've read as I was trying to research things.
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Yes, the sadness has never left me personally, but it has lessened over the years. I still find myself drifting to the past and thinking about her though. I guess that's relatively normal.
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May I ask, has it been difficult to have relationships?
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Well, for me, I might not be the best person to ask as I've always found life in general to be difficult due to my mental disposition, I guess you could say. I had another relationship after she passed and actually it was good. But after two years I dissolved it, due to my depressions - which I've always suffered from. But the love was there, yes. The happy times.
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With mine, my wall has thickened? (that's the best way I can explain it). So it's preventing any connecting with people.
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Yes, I can understand that from a certain perspective, as I've found it increasingly difficult to want to connect with other people as well, for my own reasons really. But it's something I personally want to change. You can change it as well, if you truly want to.
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What is your take on synchronicities and coincidences? It was weird when that happened. I felt trapped in a place of wondering about the waiter and trying to stay in the present with the people I went out to dinner with.
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Well, I'm one of those people who doesn't believe there really are synchronicities and coincidences, they're actual events, because I believe everything is connected very intimately, very profoundly. Everything is significant. And I feel it too, sometimes. It's all consciousness - but that's another whole topic.
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Today was a mentally draining day. I avoided emotions, then decided to write the letter to my brother, as was instructed by my therapist, but the start of crying was weird so I took a shower...
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Yes, mentally draining and avoiding emotions. You have to avoid sometimes - I do too. Also, maybe you need to let those tears just flow - there's no shame in it - but, yes, there's a time and a place for everything, I suppose. I'm not an expert on anything. I'm glad you can still laugh though, I think it's very important - laughter. It's a piece of the joy.
Yes, the letter to your brother. I don't know anything about those sorts of things but I really hope it helps you. I think it will.