As a fellow victim of (probable) narcissistic abuse, I empathize tremendously and ask for you to stay strong. After countless research, analyzing, reflecting, attempts to learn, understand, heal and so on, I will say that narcissism, how the behaviors of narcissism are expressed, narcissistic abuse and more interconnected topics and aspects are most complex, complicated and subjective. Even people, who work as professionals in professions that focus on such aforesaid subjects, disagree, edit their theories and so on because in general, narcissism is not well understood, subjective and (seemingly) extremely complex.

I am thinking of how to be more helpful to you, Abacaxi. I apologize that I am not too helpful in this post.

If you possess the strength and will, please, try to find out if you are suffering at all due to a trauma bond. This is when the brain is literally addicted to the person (e.g. narcissistic abuser) as chemicals in your brain depend on the intermittent reinforcement of abuse.

You could also consult a professional such a therapist, but please, keep in mind that you will need to be careful in finding a person, who is well equipped, knowledgeable, trained and so on to try to assist you. In general, friends, family members and others might not understand, might not care and so on.

Another option is to try to learn about relevant topics as previously mentioned in order to process the past, present, your perspectives, his perspectives, your behavior, his behavior, your emotions, how he affects, you and much, much more. The complexity of a relationship with someone, who is of NDP, should not be understated.

Ultimately, you are the one, who decides what to do (and not do) from here and how to be (and not be) from here. I am not going to tell you if you should or should not contact him because that is your decision and there are possibly multiple factors for the decision of contacting him or not.

It's one scenario to miss someone because the person loves the other. It's another scenario to miss someone because the person is addicted to the other. It's an even different scenario to miss someone because the person loves the other, is addicted to him/her (and other possibilities.) I think that you probably understand where I am going in my train of thought.


I am sorry that I am not of much help.