My session was good. Different, but good. Felt so fast, because we were so focused & because Parts were forward, so time can get a little wonky when that is the case. We were dealing with a Part that has been keeping me from sleeping. (Every time I start to fall asleep, it startles me awake with cold anxiety and "we started to sleep!" Edit to add: this level of insomnia has made me have to go inpatient in the past... And I've had to take a lot of medication recently ..have finally slept the last 2 nights though.)

This part stayed present the whole time in our session today...some new info came out
Things the part said:

1. "Maybe if I stop myself from falling asleep, I can stop myself from dying"

2. "This is the best practice I can get; it's at least something I can control"

3. It wants to watch death over and over and over again so that it can gather information, know what to expect/what dying will be like, and "perfect" a dying plan... is obsessed with perfection

4. The Part accepts that death is inevitable but wants to be in control of it. Would be greatly relieved by the legalization and availability of dr.-assisted suicide because then, if it came down to it, it could take control of the situation AND there would be medical professionals who could tell it what to expect


C thinks this part needs to be shown both sympathy for the enormity of the job...the weight it carries as well as appreciation. C says he has a great appreciation for this part because, without it, he doesn't think I'd be here.