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TiredofPTSD · May 14, 2018, 07:58 PM

I'm in my early 50's and have had bipolar since my mid-teens. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30's. I've worked with several counselors, support groups (NAMI), changed medications, etc. Probably a lot of the same as many of you here on this thread. I was able to work FT with my illness until 2004, when I was told I could no longer work. I wasn't in the best of relationships, and this wasn't acceptable to him, so I had to work.

Fast forwarding a bit, by 2008 I had a wonderful woman take a chance on me and hired me as her secretary for 15 hrs/week. I was able to get up to 35 hours and when she sold her firm, the new owner let me go. Since then, I had another great job, but due to being on SSDI, I had to watch my hours, based on what they were paying me. I couldn't work more than 25 and when I did, I'd end up in the hospital. Now, in 2018, I can work 20-25 hours, but can't get a job that will give me those hours regularly. Most jobs I can get are in retail, and when the season is slow, the hours drop very low, adding to the stress of supporting myself.

Since I've turned 50, I've had a hard time accepting my limitations which have not only affected my places of employment, but also my relationships (friends, family and romantic).

It has been very trying on my happiness, even though I keep a gratitude journal and really try to appreciate what I have in my life. I'm tired of the work it takes to just get through the day. Along with bipolar, I developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder at 14 and again wasn't diagnosed until my 30's. I was also diagnosed with PTSD prior to my bipolar. I use CBT and recently, over the past 3 years, DBT skills when I can, I meditate, draw, have a chime ring on my phone every half hour to bring me into the present moment and journal.

What I'm wondering is how are others handling how bipolar has affected their lives? What did you find helpful in getting through the changes? Thanks for letting me vent/write.