I resisted yesterday because it was Mother's Day and because i wanted to prove to myself that I could. But today was a different story. It is an actual story of my attempts to let go of cannabis. After I quit smoking cigarettes it was like my one true friend left. Of course cigarettes were never a friend. They almost killed me (lung cancer diagnosis a few months after I quit). Nope, not a friend at all, but what about marijuana. Sometimes I tell myself that as long as I'm not psychotic why should I worry about it. Sometimes I just wish I could go back in my life and do a 'reset' and then run the tape forward to get a different outcome. I wish I had a solid network of friends. But I don't. For the last years, the internet has been my best friend. Sad but true. I don't really have dreams anymore except maybe someone who could help me with my house and that my son gets a job and that I don't die in the next few years.