Thanks everyone. I was having so many suicidal ideations today. They were so long and deep, that the thoughts went further than just ideations. I don’t know if it is worth trying therapy or medications anymore, nothing has helped and I don’t think nothing will, it is pretty hopeless and I feel I am beyond help. I just feel bad for my mother, that’s what hurts the most, I don’t think she would understand or be ok. I feel this is pretty much it. I just want to quietly disappear, remove myself. Nobody will notice and it will be as if I never even existed. That’s all I want.