Hello,

there still is something that has been bothering me for a while. This post is correlated to my previous one; if you wish to check it out, here ---> https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...ationship.html
It's not necessary, but it'll give you a general idea of what I've been through.

It seems that I've been a victim of emotional abuse at a "young age" (16 y.o.).
After my experience, I was a bit unstable and exhausted, but not completely hopeless (also because I didn't really realise the gravity of what had happened; I didn't even know WHAT is emotional abuse). I'm not sure how or why, but I had managed to fall for someone again. Only to have my trust shattered, again.
I think it was because I had opened up too much. This guy was someone with whom I had been friends for a very long time. He saw me as someone bubbly, cheerful and simultaneously acid and awfully sarcastic; still, he said that my contradictions were what interested him the most. I trusted him with my feelings and frailness. But eventually, when he came to know about my past and a bit present depressive symptoms, his view of me changed, which I had expected; what I did not expect was for him to turn his back and look for someone else.
Also, I've been told that no one wants to stay with someone as dark (as me). Which is predictable, but it's not like everyone is a freaking Sun. I will never believe that people's feelings consist of only brightness.
I don't want to be a lamp, a source of artificial light. I might have to be for the sake of other people who ask for my help, and I gladly do that, but I want to shut down too once in a while, without fearing that I will be left alone because it's too dark.
Is it that hard to just understand that people can feel sad, mourn, and not feel content with how their life is going? Is it that demanding to want to be accepted as who we fully are? Without a mask to cover what people don't want to see?
Unfortunately, I've labelled myself, my true self, as unlovable (not just in a romantic way).
I was wondering if there was anyone who feels the same as me. Please, let me hear your thoughts.

Thank you for your time.