I just re-read my last post and realized it could be coming across a bit strong or too adamant -- I have suffered through many abusive relationships myself. I care about your well-being, and I don't want to see another person get abused, or marry an abusive person, like I almost did.

He is showing signs of it so my own thoughts are, step back, hold off on the marriage/engagement, re-evaluate and sort this through for yourself.

You also are showing signs of an abused person's mentality -- which is to blame oneself for the other person's poor and unacceptable behavior and/or to look for reasons to justify it - this is most common with women who get abused.

None of the name calling is your own fault. None of the past cheating is your own fault.

Did you say you have a therapist you can talk to? I didn't re-read past posts before writing this to see if you have a therapist, but it may help to talk this through with one.

I urge you to look at his behavior and see how unacceptable it is, no matter whether it is new behavior or not. My ex fiance did not show me his abusive alcoholic side while we were long distance. Then, when we lived together, it came out. A lot more of his abusive behavior came out when we lived together.

The name calling should be stopping you in your tracks and have you questioning the possibility of a marriage at this stage.

It is more complicated when someone is living under your roof and seems dependent on you. My fiance had no job and no home. He was homeless when I took him in (he was kicked out of his family's home), and he became homeless when I had had enough and kicked him out too. I didn't care at that point and figured -- he can take care of himself now. I took care of him for four months straight while he abused me.

I just would hate to see the same happen to you. You woudn't have posted if you didn't think something was wrong here.

Please do think about things before rushing in to help him out of a situation he was already in. Your well-being matters the most -- feeling fully loved, adored, appreciated and respected is what should be in the forefront of your mind. That is what true love is -- and it involves respect -- at all times. For me, once someone crosses the lines of disrespect, I cannot even fathom marrying the person. You have to care about yourself and your well-being the most, and you have to have the self-respect to say, this is NOT GOOD for me. This is where your thinking should be -- not whether he can survive without you helping him... you know what I mean?

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))