I'm sorry you are having all of this difficulty. I just replied to your introductory post in the new members introductions forum. So thanks for posting there! In my reply, I gave you links to a bunch of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of anxiety & stress management. Hopefully some of that will be helpful.

One thing you've mentioned in this post, that stuck out for me, was the fact that your bf sometimes goes silent for a day. This is something I've had a tendency to do as well... that is to give my wife the "silent treatment". I didn't do it to try to hurt her, but rather because I was hurting emotionally myself & just couldn't bring myself to talk. Anyway as a result of the time I've spent here on PC I've become more attuned, I guess you might say, to the fact that giving someone the silent treatment can in-&-of-itself be a form of abuse. So, at the risk of overwhelming you with reading material, here are links to some articles on the subject of the silent treatment as a form of abuse:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/thera...-stop-it-cold/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knott...otional-abuse/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/are-you...t-aware-of-it/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/dealing...ssive-partner/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/heali...-relationship/

You wrote you'll be seeing a therapist next week. That's great! I think the thing I want to suggest here is that perhaps, in your fear of losing your bf, you're taking too much responsibility onto yourself for what's happening in your relationship. Hopefully seeing a therapist will provide you with an opportunity to figure out what is going on in your relationship & what to do about it. Perhaps at some point, if your bf is willing, some couples counseling might be a good thing to consider as well. I wish you both well...