In general, if you feel a need to ask whether it's abuse, then most likely there is some kind of abuse going on.

In your case, absolutely.

I'm not even sure how much of what's going on is actually mental illness on your part, and how much is you being gaslighted. (If you're not familiar with gaslighting, let me know, and I'll explain.)

The only thing I *might* be able to say in defense of your mother getting angry with you for doing the same thing she does is that it is natural not to want your children to develop the same flaws you've got, or pick up the same bad habits. I want my children to be better than me. But she's going about it the wrong way by yelling at you about it, especially when she doesn't seem to be taking any steps to correct her own behavior.

And your stepdad is just straight up emotionally abusing you.

When you speak to a counselor, as I think you should, tell them what you fear will happen if they discuss it with your parents. Better yet, tell them what has already happened when your parents see you trying to get help.