how strange life is,, i learned early in life to avoid pain, to go numb if necessary. when i began having back pain was about 10 years ago, and i was down to using one of those wheeled chair things to walk, and sit down every 100 ft or so.... turns out there were multiple reasons for my back pain, and some of them could be addressed medically (hypoxia). but some were just plain ol' damage, and i had to learn to live with that... i began to avoid doing things that i knew would end me up in pain.... i got really good at it~! now i have practically no life, no stamina, no strength. if i could choose to redo things, i would like to think i could make a different decision, but actually, i'm not sure i could~ there were just too many other influences in my life and personality.

so, all i can say is: accept yourself for who you are; do what you can and praise yourself for that; be your own best friend....