I just had a call with S (exT) and need to do a huge brain dump of everything I just found out...

1. S is leaving the practice where he is working and opening his own practice again. He has decided forensic psych isn't his thing.

2. He's staying where he is across the country.

3. His mom is probably leaving here and moving out there with him.

4. He's in a relationship.

5. I told him about the parts work, and he actually says he does think OSDD fits me & he believes me about having parts.

6. I told him some traumatic memories (well, not details, but some info on them...) that I haven't told anyone about yet.

Now I need to cry long and hard....

My heart is all smashed. And he STILL GETS ME so much he KNEW... he just knew... he was like "Hey TMC. I know you. I know you really well, and I know what you're doing right now. TMC, I need you to calm down for me. I'm not cutting all ties to your area, I will still see you again..."

I'm such a mixed bag of emotions right now.

I'm heartbroken that after all that I lost with him leaving, he's now not even going to be doing the thing he went there to do (forensic psych) and will just be setting up a practice there...

I'm heartbroken that he BELIEVES in my parts but I'm not finding this out til now when I'm not working with him anymore.

I'm heartbroken that his mom is moving there, because now the little shred of hope I had that he'd ever come back here is gone.

I'm heartbroken because we both said we loved one another, and I do...and it HURTS to love him and not have him here.

His dating someone is just kind of one of those things I was always going to feel sting-y about (fear of being replaced, and, let's be honest, my feelings for him aren't exactly platonic).

I'm just really... I shouldn't have had that call probably... because I was really having a good day, and now I hurt.