Everything I think about, eventually leads me to think of something that depresses me. This truly is no exaggeration. I look at my cats & think how much I love them & it turns into when one of them got seriously ill, or how devastated I was when I lost one, & how I can't deal with that again. I create something that I think for a moment is nice, but then I look at someone else's work & now mine is garbage. I stand in front of my mirror in absolute amazement at how ugly I am. God.....it goes on & on. Never Stops. I believe my suicidal ideation comes from just wanting things to stop as opposed to wanting to kill myself. I just want it to stop.