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Originally Posted by rdgrad15
I've always wondered why a lot of people seem to tell those with depression to snap out of it. It happened to me once with my family. Years ago they found out I was secretly very sad and they lectured me for two hours on why I shouldn't be depressed and told me to snap out of it. Then they asked if I felt better, which I obviously didn't. If anything, I felt worse. That's why I can't tell them anything. Same goes for other people I know. I've heard people talk about someone else who is depressed and the person mentioned that the depressed individual needs to snap out of it. I don't understand why some people think it is easy to just snap out of it. Any thoughts? Ever happened to you or someone you know? Just wondered.
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There are a few reasons that I can think of. Here's the most likely (imo): There is a book,
Shame and Guilt by Jane Middelton-Moz, that begins with a metaphorical story written as a fairy tale. The father is called Giant, the mother is Chameleon, and their daughter is called Perfect Giant. In the story, Chameleon is overjoyed when her daughter Perfect is born. She knew that her daughter would be strong, beautiful, talented, intelligent; everything Chameleon had only dreamed of being.
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This beautiful little child would soon become the companion she had always wanted. She would be someone to talk to, someone to love her unconditionally in the way that no one, including her own family, ever had.
Perfect would never be the disappointment Chameleon had been to her own mother. Her daughter would admire and respect her. At last Chameleon would be the center of someone's world. In return, Chameleon would give Perfect everything.
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So Chameleon felt debilitating shame for her existence and was going to find worth in the perfection of her daughter... but then this happened:
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When Perfect would cry, Chameleon felt irritated, but eventually would laugh at her child's tears. "You have no reason to cry, silly girl. You are strong, tough, beautiful and gifted. I give you everything I have and more. Don't you realize that you can't possibly have needs that aren't being fulfilled?"
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Anything less than (her mothers idea of) perfection reflected poorly on her mother - well, at least her mother thought so. Likewise, perfection meant that her mother had raised her right - vindicating her. She placed responsibility for her esteem on her child.
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When any signs of weakness appeared in her child, Chameleon would either cry or laugh at her daughter's imagined needs or fears and, like magic, the unwanted emotions vanished.
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Because, of course, Perfect would hide them.