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Originally Posted by autonoe
That sounds really judgmental and inappropriate. I don't know how anyone could fault you for the feelings you have toward your grandma, with all that you have said about her here. I'd be looking for a new T.
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Thanks a lot. I'm going to give her a few more chances and see how it goes. If I see that the same thing is happening, then I'll start looking for a new one.
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Originally Posted by weaverbeaver
I really disagree with ts promoting forgiveness. Who the he’ll does your t think she is that she can spout that kinda crap at you.
I am sorry I get so annoyed but nobody can say whether your grandma needs to be forgiven only you and it seems like you are only beginning to process the horrors of what she has actually done to you.
Your t is completely invalidating and dictating your sessions. She wants you to talk about the sexual abuse next week, I want to win the lotto but that doesn’t mean it will happen.
Do you feel your t is in charge because this is your therapy and you can talk about what you need to and when you need to.
Your feelings matter too. I am very angry at your t. How do you feel about your relationship with her?
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Thank you, you're right. I've started processing it a couple of years ago but the problem is that I still live with her. I try to get close to her but it doesn't work out well. I keep telling my therapist that my feelings are valid but they either say "yes" or don't say anything. So I don't know...I'm so confused. =/ I'm really nervous to talk about my past with her because I feel like I won't be validated but I will see how it goes. =/ I feel like my T is in charge some times. As for how do I feel about my relationship with her...I don't know. I was very pleased with her in the beginning because I liked the fact that she challenged me and I liked the weekly assignments but then the pace quickly got too fast.
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Originally Posted by feileacan
Is there something good about this therapist, too? Does she get something about you very well? Is she very sensitive and empathic in some very important points? If no, then in your situation I would see no reason to continue seeing this T - this clearly isn't a match.
Just because someone advertises themselves as a therapist doesn't make them suitable in working with people and function as a therapist. And it seems to me that not seeing a therapist is better than seeing terrible one.
What does your gut feeling say about this therapist? Do you feel comfortable seeing her? Do you feel she is on your side? If not then better look for someone else because this person cannot help you.
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Well, we connect on us being people of color and being queer but even with that she fights me on it. I told her that I have a hard time getting close to my grandmother because she is homophobic. My grandmother told me, "I love you but I don't love that part of you" and my therapist thought it was a great thing that she said she loved me and she told me, "I have a good friend who's homophobic. You can't change people." I know I can't change people. I know my grandma won't change, but the homophobia hurts since I can't talk about myself in my house. I have to literally whisper with my mom. -sighs-
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Originally Posted by Amyjay
Ooh. Well.
Starryprince you do not EVER have to forgive your grandma. I mean you are welcome to if you want to.... but if you never forgive her for the criminal and obscene acts she committed against you then so be it.
Why on earth would she tell you to talk about your abuse next time you meet? Who one earth is she to dictate your timeline and pathway of healing?
The things you have written about your T would be more than enough for me personally to not return to her again. From what you have written she is actively disempowering you. I don't find disempowerment helpful in any way at all myself.
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Thank you. That's a great word to use, "disempowerment". That describes what's going on with me. I don't think I can forgive her or pardon her...I would like to but I think I have to move out and spend some time away from her for me to consider it.
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Originally Posted by Daisy Dead Petals
I completely understand why you found your T's comments invalidating. Her approach seems much too simplistic and lacking in empathy for an issue as complex as abuse.
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Thank you. I think it is simplistic and difficult at the same time. She seems to think that those are easy things to do, but I can't go in a restaurant when it's busy and talk to people. That's too much for me.
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Originally Posted by seeker33
This T doesn't seem empathetic at all and I personally would not continue working with him. I would never talk to a friend like this, and treating a client this way is unacceptable!
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Thank you, I wouldn't talk to a friend like this, either. I was surprised when she said this.