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Originally Posted by DapperChapper
Losing the positive momentum? I'm not sure what you mean by that. Do you mean with the job/dating/something else?
It's possible I might look back on this with different thoughts, but I suppose you could say the same for a lot of things in your life. I'm just feeling overwhelmed with things at the moment and even the things which are supposed to be fun are adding more pressure/making me stressed.
I'll look into the whole meditation thing (I can try writing a journal thing too, although that's not really my thing). When exactly are you supposed to do this though? At the start of the day? The end? Whenever you feel stressed?
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When I did meditate (I’ve gone out of the habit, which is bad), I would do it pretty much first thing in the morning. You get it out of the way and start the day off right. I have a big Google spreadsheet of audio guides for meditation if you'd like to take a look; I can't post the link here but I can PM you if you want. As a previous poster mentioned, meditation can be helpful, especially if, in your case, you practice mindfulness and self-compassion.
Mindfulness might help you appreciate your new relationship in the moment instead of worrying all the time. You could try reminding yourself of things you're grateful for when you do start to worry. Take a breath, step back, and just remind yourself of something positive. Could be relationship-orientated or not.This might play out as:
"I'm so worried things won't work out with this person..."
"But, they're with me now, and there must be a reason why they're hanging out with me," or,
"I love the way he/she/them smiles," or simply,
"It's a beautiful day and it finally looks like spring!"
Self-compassion can help anyone, but if you're anything like me you have self-doubt as to whether or not you can sustain a relationship or will be a good enough partner. The more you worry about that, the less of a companion you can be for the other person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperChapper
If I have a negative thought (e.g. I don’t whether this person is right for me), is it because I legitimately think that, or is it because my brain is panicking at the idea of me getting close to someone and wants to come up with any reason to prevent it?
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This caught my attention because I think you've tapped into something. I want to think that you're brain is panicking. Like you mention, you haven't had a relationship in a while, and these feelings are somewhat foreign and maybe even uncomfortable. I feel like I’m in a sort of similar situation, except I’ve been with my man for almost 2 years now but am still feeling overwhelmed :P. Before him, I hadn't dated anyone in years and was thinking I'd be alone for most of my 20s. I think it’s important to know that it's OK to feel nervous;
don't make yourself feel bad for feeling bad. I think mindfulness will help you just appreciate your relationship as it is instead of worrying what it *might* be or become.
Now, if only I could take my own advice... sigh.