E-mail exchange with T (he embedded his responses, so posting it like a conversation):

Me: Wanted to update you on my thoughts since session. If you could respond to this in some sort of detail, that would be good (charge accepted). I'd like to try to get back to regular work with you Monday (maybe some childhood stuff?) so a longer response could save another full session of therapeutic relationship talk.

Me: I want to address the "feeling judged" thing, since you asked me in session to explain it. I know you say you're just being honest, not judging. But as I said, I'm not used to that sort of brutal honesty (from almost anyone ever). So it's jarring to me. I need you to understand that and that I may react strongly to comments you think aren't a big deal.

T: I do understand that, and hopefully you are able to see that I make an effort to be caring while also sharing my thoughts and opinions. I'm confused by what you define as "judgment" so maybe in the future you can point out when it's happening so I can get clarity. Also, I do see my honest observations as a big deal and I try to be very mindful about how I express it to you. It's interesting that I reflect on our sessions as having been far more positive than you seem to. We must be either remembering different things or having vastly different reactions to what's happening and I'm not reading you at all during those moments.

Me: From what you explained Tuesday, I get what you're trying to do with sharing your reactions with me (and I know it's your style as a therapist). However, I may need you to be a little more gentle about that for a bit, if that's OK. I think we need to spend some time examining where my general shame and feeling judged are coming from (see: childhood). And find ways for me to deal better with that. (And then you can fully unleash on me!) Are you open to doing that?

T: I can certainly make an effort - and I'll do so. I appreciate you sharing this as a request. Hopefully you do not see me as having been deliberately shaming, since that was not at all my intention.

Me: I'm at a certain place now with things like transference, how I felt about the stone (it hurt to give it back, but I felt I had to, because of how it made you feel), how much I think about the therapeutic relationship, etc. I know you think many of those things are unhealthy for me and apparently uncomfortable for you as well. But the fact is, it's just where I am right now. And I need you to first accept and join me where I am in order to help me move forward into healthier relationships--with you, with others in my life, and with myself.

T: This is an interesting observation, and I'm going to have to think about it. I do think that it is unhealthy for you. It's hard for me to know how to keep our work from going in a [Dr. Ex-MC] direction, which I absolutely 100% don't want to happen for you. And you are correct - if that were to happen it would be uncomfortable for me, although I don't believe that has anything to do with you personally. My overall goal in therapy is to help people feel well-balanced, strong, healthy and able to live loving lives - and therapy is a way of getting people to that point while also not creating dependency on the therapy/therapist. I'll try to be more comfortable with the idea that we will have to spend time in session talking about things like transference. I'm going to have to trust that it will lead into a place where it can have a positive impact on the relationships you have outside of the therapy office.

Me: I feel like I'm taking this huge leap of faith in continuing to work with you, in trusting that you will ultimately help me more than hurt me. I need you to understand and respect and be mindful of that, the trust I'm putting in you right now. That's really what it all comes down to. Because I do want to try, and hopefully to find that greater peace you've talked about.

T: I appreciate that trust. All I can do it give you my best effort, [LT]. If it's OK, can we talk more about this last paragraph on Monday?