I had a pretty rough session the week before, and was worried discussing it would in some way destroy everything I managed to achieve so far in therapy, so I was pleasantly surprised when that wasn't the case.

First, I told T I was hurt by lots of things that he did last week. I reminded him of what had happened: first, he made another comment on how he thinks me sitting a certain way and not looking at him meant I was not engaged in the process and forgot everything we talked about as soon as I left. Then, he also said that he deliberately only gave me short phone calls when I asked for extra support in between sessions. And finally he ignored a question I had completely and just kicked me out.

He asked what I wanted to focus on, which I didn't know. So he started with the first point. He explained that it made him feel very insecure that I never look at him, and I sit differently than all his other clients. That he felt maybe he's doing something wrong. But that he of course couldn't tell what was going on inside me, that he could barely even tell what's happening for himself sometimes. That nobody could really tell that, not even the best therapist in the world. I said it was especially hurtful that he brought it up all the time, then agreed I was indeed engaged, and then two weeks later brought it up again. He agreed that sometimes he needs to be told something a couple of times before he can remember.

He asked me what I thought, whether it was not good for me to sit like that? I told him how I usually write down everything we have discussed for 50 minutes on my train ride home, about 3 pages each time. I also think about what we have discussed and try to apply it whenever I can, plus I talk to other people about therapy in general. He said that made him feel at ease that I was indeed not just ignoring everything I said. He also told me that some people do not do anything like this, he once even had a guy come in and listen to music instead of talking to him.

He then went on to the second thing, the fact that he said he was limiting outside of session contact to short phone calls on purpose. He agreed that he worded it way too harshly. I mentioned that he once told me we were a team, but that in a team you'd inform the other person of your decisions regarding the team, you'd not just do whatever you thought was best. He said 'well, I can't really say anything to that... you're completely right'. He aplogized that he worded it like he did, and reassured me that it wasn't the case that I could never get extra sessions, I'd just have to ask for them.

Then, we also shortly talked about what I should do when I get flashbacks during sessions, since that happened last time, but I wasn't able to tell him. He said it would be very important to mention it when it happens, and that I can just tell him to shut up because this is more important.

I managed to look at him once during the session, which made him very happy. And when saying good bye we smiled at each other. I feel much better about our relationship again, and I think he does too, which is nice.