sometimes i don't know what is real. I can't tell if something has happened to me or I saw it happen to someone else. I have isolated myself from everyone. sometimes I go a couple of days without talking to someone. Even if I go out I avoid people. I don't want to know what they are thinking. I heard two people talking the other day. It reminded me of me when I had friends around me. I am getting an anxiety attack talking about this. when I talk about it it's like I am unfamiliar to myself. Or something like that. the feeling of anxiety causes panic and i feel like i have to get out. i don't like those feelings. some of us tried to talk at session but our t doesn't know we are here. we don't think she will be helpful. we are concerned she may be more curious than therapeutic. that has happened to me. i didn't like it. i am trying to figure out what we want. it's impossible. it used to be easy. my son isn't talking to me anymore. so now i am on my own. he was the focus of my life for over thirty years. part of me feels that we are not supposed to enjoy life without our son. but part of me wants to turn the page and move on. What does that even mean.