I am just recently coming to terms with the fact that I was/am being emotionally abused by my mother and step dad, but I'm not sure if what I've experienced can be considered trauma. I think it could be, but because the abuse has been lifelong and non-physical I don't have any standard to compare it to, and I don't want to use a term that I shouldn't be using.

The way I've been treated has effected me a lot psychologically. Every day I'm anxious about coming home from school, or getting texts or phone calls, because I get worried that my parents will find something to be mad at me about. When my mom is mad at me, sometimes she gives me sort of a silent treatment and ignores me or tells me to go away, or sometimes she'll yell and curse at me. My step dad sometimes yells and curses as well, but he has more of a tendency to be insensitive in general. Both of them make fun of my interests harshly sometimes, or make me feel embarrassed about the food I eat (I'm on a certain diet for health reasons), and my two younger sisters do the same. I'm made to feel like I'm not allowed to have negative emotions, either, because... well, that would be a whole other train of thought to type, and I'm already worrying about being too much of a bother. Basically, I have been called an irresponsible and selfish brat for being honest about my mental health issues. I constantly worry about being annoying to everyone, and frequently have emotional breakdowns where I apologize over and over to my boyfriend over little things, even when he reassures me that he isn't mad.

I've recently realized that at times I involuntarily "age regress" and go into the mental state of being a younger child, which I've read is often a result of childhood trauma. That, combined with my fairly frequent emotional breakdowns, warped sense of identity, near-constant anxiety, attachment issues, and preoccupation with feeling like I'm bothering people, leads me to think that my experiences could be classified as traumatic and that I may be suffering from Complex PTSD. Like I said, though, I don't want to use the term if it's not accurate.

Does this sound like trauma to any of you? Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation before? I want to see a therapist but am unable to, so apologies for such a long post.