OK, many of you have likely read about what's going on right now with me and my T. In a nutshell: He'd said previously that he was OK working with transference if it should come up for me (albeit not that experienced/trained in it). And then recently, after I told him that holding a transitional object he'd given me had comforted me, I learned that he actually isn't so comfortable with the idea after all. I'm sticking with him for now--not looking for advice on that. But there are a few things I've tried to explain to him in the past couple sessions and over e-mail that he doesn't seem to comprehend--not that he doesn't accept them, but he doesn't seem to understand what I mean (like he's literally said, "I don't understand what you mean by x," that's not my interpretation of his words).

So I think maybe I'm just doing a poor job of explaining some things. Looking for some help with that.

--Feeling "judged." I've tried to explain this to him a couple times now. Basically, if he (or someone) makes a comment to me, even if they don't intend it as negative, because of stuff from my past (or present), it can feel like judgment to me. Which can lead to me feeling shamed. A recent example of this was him saying, regarding my getting comfort from the stone, that it was OK if it represented the therapy space as a whole, but that it was weird/creepy to him if it represented him (whether as a therapist or a person). It was a mix of both for me, so his saying that made me feel judged, like it was wrong for me to experience it a certain way. And I've felt judged by some of his other "honest" statements too. (I know much of this comes from my mother being fairly openly judgmental about me and others, though I need to explore that more.)

Suggestions on how to explain "feeling judged" (or "feeling shamed") to him?

--I told him in an e-mail that I felt he needed to "meet me where I am" to work with me, and he said he needed to think about that more. I said:
"I'm at a certain place now with things like transference, how I felt about the stone..., how much I think about the therapeutic relationship, etc. I know you think many of those things are unhealthy for me and apparently uncomfortable for you as well. But the fact is, it's just where I am right now. And I need you to first accept and join me where I am in order to help me move forward into healthier relationships--with you, with others in my life, and with myself."

His response: "This is an interesting observation, and I'm going to have to think about it. I do think that it is unhealthy for you. It's hard for me to know how to keep our work from going in a [ex-MC] direction, which I absolutely 100% don't want to happen for you. And you are correct - if that were to happen it would be uncomfortable for me, although I don't believe that has anything to do with you personally. My overall goal in therapy is to help people feel well-balanced, strong, healthy and able to live loving lives - and therapy is a way of getting people to that point while also not creating dependency on the therapy/therapist. I'll try to be more comfortable with the idea that we will have to spend time in session talking about things like transference. I'm going to have to trust that it will lead into a place where it can have a positive impact on the relationships you have outside of the therapy office."

Does that seem like he didn't necessarily get what I was saying? Or why it's important? If so, suggestions on how to better explain in session?

--Also, from that exchange, I'm trying to figure out how to explain why it's difficult for me to hear that he's not fully comfortable talking about certain topics--in this case, transference. (Leaving aside the fact that he said before he'd be OK with it...). I think he feels he should be honest with me about it, but that also makes me more reluctant to talk about it. Even though I told him that talking about it helps diffuse it, not talking about it is more likely to make it intensify. (For the record, my transference for him right now it like a 2 or 3, vs. like a 25 at its peak with ex-MC. I'm trying to address this at early stages this time.)

Any suggestions on how to better explain things to him welcome! Except please not, "You need to leave this T" because that's not what I'm asking. Thanks!