LT, you’re incredibly articulate and explain things well. I’m not sure explanation is exactly the problem. I don’t have specific suggestions about how to phrase your thoughts, but I do have general (absolutely judgment-free) observation. I wonder if some of your discomfort is around not getting the answers you expect. In other words, you’re anticipating or hoping for a particular response and he’s not giving it to you, which creates a dissonance instead of relief from anxiety. Often when considering responses from your therapists, you will write some variation on, (s)he could have said/I just wanted to hear/the response I want is, which leaves little space for the other person to have their own reaction or feedback.

I think he is a good t for you (going only by your posts, of course). I “hear” him saying to you that he’s willing to work with and through the transference but he’s going to be open with you about how it impacts him, instead of hiding his discomfort. So instead of meeting you where you are by offering an unhealthy reassurance, he’s trying to meet you partway by offering honesty and healthy reassurance.

I think that his approach is really uncomfortable for you, but I also see you posting about your sessions and sitting with your thoughts in a different way. Maybe that’s encouraging?

((LT)) I hope this makes at least some sense and that you know this is said with utmost respect and kindness. I’m certainly not there to see/hear/understand everything fully, so your mileage may vary—hopefully there’s something helpful here.