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Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks
LT, you’re incredibly articulate and explain things well. I’m not sure explanation is exactly the problem. I don’t have specific suggestions about how to phrase your thoughts, but I do have general (absolutely judgment-free) observation. I wonder if some of your discomfort is around not getting the answers you expect. In other words, you’re anticipating or hoping for a particular response and he’s not giving it to you, which creates a dissonance instead of relief from anxiety. Often when considering responses from your therapists, you will write some variation on, (s)he could have said/I just wanted to hear/the response I want is, which leaves little space for the other person to have their own reaction or feedback.
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Thanks for the compliment (I do have an English degree!) You make a really good point. Especially since I told someone before Tuesday's session that there were three things I wished he'd say (even if he just said one or two), one of which was an apology. And...I didn't really get any of those things. I think maybe I'm used to how ex-MC would respond to things...like with reassurance. Or not even that, just the script I have written in my head. And I also sometimes think it's obvious what I want, when it probably isn't so obvious (this causes issues in other relationships, too, like my marriage). That's interesting you noticed me saying things like that in my writeups, too...
Plus this T is very different personality-wise than I'm used to dealing with either in a T or in real life, so it's not surprising he's not giving me the response I'm looking for or even expecting--like I've hoped for a certain response, prepared myself for a particular negative one, then he says something completely different from either of those. And, it's like in theory, yes, I want people to be honest with me--but then I'm not prepared for what they say.
This might be something good to bring up in session, actually...
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I think he is a good t for you (going only by your posts, of course). I “hear” him saying to you that he’s willing to work with and through the transference but he’s going to be open with you about how it impacts him, instead of hiding his discomfort. So instead of meeting you where you are by offering an unhealthy reassurance, he’s trying to meet you partway by offering honesty and healthy reassurance.
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I think he's generally been good for me, too, which is why I don't want to just give up on him. I hadn't really considered that he's offering me "healthy reassurance." Interesting...And maybe T is confused because he thinks he *is* reassuring me. Whereas ex-MC just saying, "It's OK that you shared that feeling" or "It's OK that you e-mailed" or whatever isn't necessarily so healthy. Especially because it only lasts so long and makes me want more.
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I think that his approach is really uncomfortable for you, but I also see you posting about your sessions and sitting with your thoughts in a different way. Maybe that’s encouraging?
((LT)) I hope this makes at least some sense and that you know this is said with utmost respect and kindness. I’m certainly not there to see/hear/understand everything fully, so your mileage may vary—hopefully there’s something helpful here. 
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That's interesting that you said I'm posting about my sessions differently...I have felt stronger lately and more able to hold onto thoughts and emotions (though of course sometimes they still leak out...) I also think it's interesting that he's so concerned about my focus on him taking away from my real-life relationships, when in the past 4-5 months, I've actually been initiating more contact/get-togethers with friends and think I've been communicating with H better. Hm...maybe it's also about having gotten away from ex-MC...
This was definitely helpful and has given me a lot to think about--thanks!