What does "meeting you where you are at" look like to you? What do you need (not want) from him so that you feel "accepted and joined" with where you are at? And, why is it important to spend more time talking about the transference? What would the benefits be for you? What might these things lead to?

I wonder if you started with identifying these these things more in depth, you could then discuss with him? I do think his honesty is a positive, though, perhaps, he could sometimes choose a better delivery of his messages. It's hard to figure out the therapeutic relationship after having been an unhealthy one for so long. It's confusing. Your therapist sounds a lot like mine. She didn't want me to wind up dependent on her, get lost in the transference, or make the focus of therapy about the relationship. She's brutally honest, too! I actually do appreciate that now and it has helped strengthen our relationship. She keeps me in check. She's able to meet me where I am at by giving me what I need in ways that help keep me transference-free and make me more solid. I didn't always like it. I sometimes resented her for it. I sometimes miss those feelings transference and dependence brought me (with ex-t). But, that's my sh it, not t's. It's her job to help me work through that sh it and not do anything to promote it. Ultimately, I only want from her what she has to give anyway. So, in a way, I have to meet her where she's at also. I'm rambling on, I know. I think the point I'm trying to make is that the relationship with t requires finding the balance. Not always easy figuring it out. I think the more effort you force into it, the more painful, intense, and complicated it gets.