Oh LT - You have received some fabulous responses from the above posters. They perhaps more eloquently wrote what I was thinking. I often see you post about how you write to T/MC/ex-T and tell them what you want them to write back to you. I think once you learn to integrate your internal feelings with your need for external validation that will taper off (probably dramatically). I had similar feelings for a male authority figure about 15 years ago but learned to change how I thought and dealt with the situation and it was like magic - it hurt for a few weeks and then I learned to deal with my feelings/need for communication.

About the feeling judged/shame part - I get that also. I had a very shaming mother. I told my T everything about my childhood and then he said something about "You can control that" (my response to stuff) and that childhood was over and I was now a not-so-young adult (I'm totally stealing this) so time to stop looking in the tiny rearview mirror and focus on the huge windshield in front of me.

One last comment is that you often spoke of MC pathologizing you/your behaviors for lack of a better word but I think that no one pathologizes/judges your behavior more than YOU!! Every time an uncomfortable feelings comes up you think "well it must be childhood/losing person A/negative maternal transference etc" Sometimes uncomfortable things are just uncomfortable and have nothing to do with our past situations (other than us learning unhealthy mechanisms to cope).

I hope you don't think I'm judging or shaming you - I was the exact same way - but I had a therapist who was a no-nonsense/direct/honest and no outside contact kind of guy and he was perfect for me. I see a lot of growth in you since this situation with T arose which leads me to believe he may be the perfect T for you (even if he isn't always perfect).