There have been some really good insights here. I agree with others who have said the issue isn't about finding a better way to explain to him what you mean about feeling judged and wanting him to do things that don't trigger those feelings in you--it's about understanding how to respond within yourself when feeling judged. Because if he were to do what you're asking, it's going to be MC 2.0. It's seeking to change someone else's behavior in order to feel better and somehow correct the past.

I have a lot of issues from my past, and I know why I have them, so my therapy doesn't really go into exploring the why. I mean, it will surface when triggered and then the work is to separate then from now, but knowing why doesn't really do anything to change things now. I kind of like the way your therapist is laying out his approach to making improvements, and that none of it is about making him the focus.

It's a very uncomfortable and difficult process to find the reassurances from within, and from reading reports on here it seems that many therapists provide those kinds of reassurances. But it's short lived and the person is still sooth-seeking outside themself after the rush of warmth wears off.

So I guess my thought is to try to understand what he's saying, because I do think he's answering your question.