My husband is an alcoholic, and i guess i am enabling him. i look the other way night after nigh when he drinks a whole 12 pack or more. literally every night. he says its the only thing that relaxes his back after work. he has herniated discs and i know that it can be incredibly painful.

but he had them when we married and he only drank maybe once a week. it has progressed more and more over the years, although he did listen when i forbade liquor. the last time he drank a whole bottle of whiskey and we almost divorced.

he puts up with so many of my problems. i am not a well person. "brain things" we both call them for simplicity. he really didnt understand at first but he has been very supportive when i have episodes or when my head downswings.

i havent REALLY kissed my husband in more than 2 years. pecks on the cheek yeah, even quick ones on the mouth, but nothing more than that because the smell and the taste make my stomach turn. even when we have sex i have to turn my head away from him. needless to say i am very unsatisfied in this department. which makes me feel even worse! i dont want anyone else, but its been years since i really enjoyed our sex and its hard not to keep that nagging at the back of my mind that says someone else can do it better.

i feel terrible about it. he has been so good to me in so many ways and i feel like a complete tool for complaining about anything he has to do to cope. but how much is really his back and not just a crutch? he wont even try anything else to help his back, he just says the beer is better.

am i a terrible person? is there a way that i can talk to him about this that wont make him feel inadequate? how long does this have to go on? i just wish i knew how to make things the way the used to be but no matter how this turns out i know it cant. i dont want to leave him, he is the only thing in my life that keeps me here; but our marriage is falling apart faster and faster as the years go by.

i really need some advice here.