I don’t even want to come here and give this subject more power by continuing to talk about it, but it is still in my life, and still causing me grief and pain. So, here I am.

The narcissist I came here to discuss a few months this ago is still a problem. I’d started to let go, was doing a pretty good job of it, then li and behold, found that (and this is somewhat TMI but none of you know me personally) some weird symptoms I was having were an STI he’d given me. Great. When the hell am I going to be rid of the effects of this guy???

And now, just yesterday, I get an email from him, from a throwaway address: “laughingatyoubio**@email” that stated, basically, “I’m doing so much better since you tried to hurt me. Contact me or anyone in my life ever again and you won’t like the results. By the way, you were the worst lay I’ve ever had. Seriously. XOXOXO <3”

???

Why?

I wasn’t sure if it was him or his girlfriend whom I found out he’s had since last March. Yeah, he asked me to be with him and had a girlfriend for almost a year. But the email didn’t really seem like him, the address didn’t seem like something he’d come up with. Not that it matters

At first, it made me laugh, because it seemed unstable and beneath me. Like, just get the F out of my life you massive creep. You’re 46 years old; too old to be playing these games. But then, the pain hit me. This person broke down any foundation of self-worth I’d built up before I’d been with him, and I’ve not been able to build it back up. Why is he still doing this to me?

I’m trying to move on. But the anger is so strong. I’m full of anger. And pain. I cry so often. My stomach is in knots all the time; I don’t eat well, I’m vomitig all the time. I’ve lost one of my close friends, and am losing the other. People are just sick of me being a mess. I’m sick of it, too. But I don’t know how not to be a mess. I don’t trust people. I don’t know how to be me again. And I guess I’m just coming back on here because I’m sitting in the break room at work crying, and I don’t know who else to talk to.

Yes, my T knows all of this.