When I got my
Standard grade results
I left them on the
Living room table.
My mum was up
After me and I
Announced happily
That I got credit ones and twos
In everything but
I knew before
I did it that it
Would fall on deaf
Ears and my mum
Would ignore them.
True to form,
She blindly ignored me.
I didn't even get
My hopes up.
Nothing would ever
Change for me.
I would never
Be anything and
I truly believed
This in my heart of hearts.
I felt like I
Must have broken
Too many mirrors
And would my luck
Ever change. I believed
In luck. If I was male
I may have been
A gambler. I took
Enough risks as it was.
I swear that in
The midst of psychosis
I thought that
No one could see me.
I had become opaque
And becoming unwell
Was just a self-fulfilling
Prophecy. I grew up
Around people who
Thrived on drama
And stories where
People fell from grace
Or were brought
Down a peg or two
Were so much juicier
Than those who
Defeated the odds.
Who did I have that
Would be proud of me?
Just my grandad.
When he died...

Sorry I have to stop