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Originally Posted by JaneTennison1
I wonder if this is a cycle for you LT? (It is for me) Where you attach a certain way and, even though it is not helpful, it is familiar and safe. So then you try to follow a certain pattern? I know I do this, but current T has boundaries that are very solid. I don't use the word strict because she's not, she is just very clear. This is a different pattern than the one of transference that I have followed in the past and as such I have zero transference feelings after 1.5 years. It feels much safer.
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Oh, it's definitely a cycle of sort, since it also happened with a high school teacher. You're right that there's the familiar and safe aspect to attaching in a certain way. So with current T, it feels unsafe, even though I know ultimately it is probably better and, as he would say, healthier for me. That's good to know you've had success with your current T who has stricter boundaries. Current T clearly has stricter boundaries than ex-MC (wouldn't take much!), but it feels like he's relaxed them a little lately--responding to some more frequent shorter e-mails and not expressing any annoyance at them, being more relaxed with me in session (like some political talk, which he had been very closed about), and, well, I had thought the stone, but was clearly wrong about that! So I think it both felt good and was making me a little nervous that he seemed to be relaxing boundaries a bit when he'd seemed so rigid at first.
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That being said, I know that I wouldn't find it helpful if someone used the language he used.
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Thanks, it's helpful and validating to hear others say that! Because I often wonder if I'm overreacting to things...
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I feel like with my T I have learned that getting caught up in the details is just a distraction and I am trying to focus on the bigger picture. My T does agree with "meeting me where I am" though, she is very non judgemental.
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Glad yours isn't judgmental. I feel like my T probably doesn't *think* he's being judgmental, but to me it feels he is. Even if maybe it's in my best interest. I suspect it's not all about him, though, that some of that is stuff from childhood/my mom, though, so I need to address that with him.