You're not a terrible person. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Is medical marijuana legal in your state? While I don't generally encourage people to smoke marijuana, particularly for mental illness, in your husband's situation it might be less harmful to his health for him to use medical marijuana than alcohol. Alcohol is alcohol is alcohol, by the way--whether it is whiskey or beer or wine or a nice mint julep on race day.

He likely cannot go a day without alcohol, so he is going to need professional help to give up the booze. Do you have an understanding medical doctor? I would ask my hubs to get his back evaluated (yes, again, he likely has seen doctors before but I would ask him to go again) and before his appointment I would contact the doctor and tell the doctor (in email, via a letter, or on the phone) that my hubs has been self-medicating and give the specifics. The doctor cannot discuss your hubs with you but you can tell the doctor what the truth of the matter is. Your hubs wouldn't need to know you did this.