Life doesn’t permit it. Started with one then Obamacare forced me to pay for insurance that doesn’t pay for anything but 5 MD visits a year where I get my BD meds, no hospital coverage, and no mental health coverage. Then 1/2 my mouth is gone or hurting, getting divorced, plus my truck has died- more expenses.

Plus life is in a daze that we get nothing real done...some also feel that we just might be called a hopeless cause- nothing concrete to base a life on...

Everytime I think of something...it quickly fades away to forgotten as I switch around...I think we did a search once...but it faded away- because of this I feel stupid and inept...

The only thing that we have going is being able to work 6 days a week (routine must) while I wait the inevitable. This is the only routine that I can abide by. I would do well in an institution being led, scheduled, or controlled. Free time causes to much time for God knows what....

Are these bonafide reasons or excuses? I don’t know. I just know that God is taking care of my life because I do manage to keep on going even though I’m bouncing around at life. If it’s in His will..it will happen.

I’m also waiting....waiting for the expensive parts of life like immediate physical repairs be made...$25,000 for my mouth, $500 for our Littles therapy dog’s mouth....sometimes just want to give up, but an Other takes over and then that thought disappears...

My left sciatiac nerve is acting up...feels like my foot is split in half and pulsating, but got to save my doctor visits for meds..

I can go whaa for hours, I guess...

For me to get help means quitting my job, going homeless, being a leech on the state.....just got too much pride for that.

It will happen soon. A lot of fear is involved.

Worktime.