I went to my appointment today and the receptionist lady basically said "**** you, we don't care about you, you can die in a hole for all I care or let nanobots take over your mind, we're only here because cults dedicated watching someone physically murder another are illegal." That's how I took it anyways. So I drove all the way and spent 50 cents on parking only to be told I'm not worth saving and not see my doctor.
That's totally true. I'm not worth saving. I only know of three places I can go to receive ongoing outpatient care. Two of them are so flawed I'm pretty sure they've actually made me take steps backwards in recovery and the other doesn't have any providers that "fit" AKA will take people that deal with more than mild depression/anxiety.

Just when I stopped obsessing over doctors being sadistic bastards here's some proof that doctors are sadistic bastards.
I don't know how I'm going to work this summer. I go back Friday, but I don't think it's going to go well when I have zero support, am off meds and can't get back on them, and have a fragile connection to reality.