Welcome to PC, glad you found us!

Glad you've been doing fairly well this year - good start

Is there anyone you can ask to go to the doctors with? We can't make diagnoses here... but it might help to talk to you doc to see what he/she can help you with. Do you have anyone to talk to (counsellor/therapist?)

Keep posting here - it can sometimes help to talk about the urges rather than go through with them (thats what I've found anyways)

Be safe.