Every time I’ve gone to my session, I always maintain my composure and try to convince my T that things may be difficult, but I was coping well. I decided to ditch all that pretension during my most recent session and finally told him no, I was not coping well and things are so much worse now. I always figured that if I admit that, that it will seem like I am just not working hard enough.

But he was very understanding, he didn’t think I was being stupid, and thinks it is a step in the right direction that I am more open now to acknowledging my pain. I usually have a whole list of things I do to distract myself so things don’t get too painful, but sometimes, no matter how hard I try, they just don’t work. So he has offered outside contact when I need it.

Things are incredibly painful right now, but it feels at least, that things are somehow moving forward.