Hi,

Thanks for the advice. But if I leave my mom she will become completely isolated and will go mad. Further, she has destroyed her own finances badly to the point of no recovery and is completely dependent on me. She won't even have anything to eat if I'm not there. She's 50 years old now and there is no suitable job for her in the vicinity too.

It would have been easy for me to leave her if I knew she could manage alone.

I am fighting a losing battle it seems to me. She again fought a large battle yesterday with me. It seems she is either deluded or this is her nature. I'm not sure whether it's her nature or a delusional case. Doubting people has been her way for as long as I can remember.

To tell you the truth I sometimes wish she would die a natural death soon. Because if you think it logically, she does not seem to have any reason for living. There is no joy in her life. And I believe that if I had been in her place all those years, I would have made some meaning of my life whether big or small. I would have applied my mind to a particular job and do it regularly so that at least one thing was running in my life. I scold her sometimes for not doing any work regularly her whole life. She got a couple of opportunities. But she didn't try. She got a job as an online Math tutor once and I did it (with her name) for 2-3 years. I would regularly try to sit her down and teach her how to do that work, but it would always end in a fight between us.

I don't know why she fights so much. Today I'm particularly sad because I'm feeling hopeless. Day before yesterday she had an ugly fight with a neighbor and got slapped in the face by a girl (of my age) because she was calling her a ***** for no reason. I couldn't do anything because after all it was her mistake.

That night she went away without much money and with my phone. I let her go because I was so tired of it all and she would fight with me if I made her stay. She spent the night in a nearby garden and I spent the night searching for her in the whole city. I was scared she would end up in an ugly place. Finally found her in the morning sitting near a temple.

I'm so tired of this all that I think tired is not the right word. I think the correct wording for it would be that I've lost my spirit to live. To tell you the truth I survive on cigarettes (2-3 packs a day), good friends (who are now not so good after seeing my mum's behaviour) and my work.

I have no family member whom I can speak to because it was those people who did not support her when she was alone because of whom she is like this today (At least that's what I believe).

I'm sorry but I've not read the links you posted above yet. I have ready so many of such links before (how to deal with difficult people, narcissistic mothers, etc) but I'll give it a try.