I can not access parts on demand. There are some that are easily triggered like the young ones especially the very needy child with unmet needs that won't heal. I do not want to talk to certain ones.

T just wants certain aspects of each blended together to make like a super trio. Like what would an employee look like if they were a blend of my narcissistic part, my manage part and then what I call the real self. Trying to envision this while sitting in a child part wanting to please to be praised is making me depressed, frustrated and I want to bang my head.

I hate how I feel. I hate how I flip back and forth from one feeling to another. I hate that he thinks this is a dissociative disorder. I hate myself. I hate that child that wants more from him. I can not hug myself, I can not talk to those extreme parts and tell them it is all ok. I hate how I am frightened to go to therapy but at the same time I want to be bathed in his light.

I have a part that wants to leave him before he leaves us. I am exhausted all the time.